(no subject)

11:51am: sigh
well i finally did start crying in calculus for no damn reason and that got the attention of a friend but not from my close friends. life is so weird. it kinda confirms my theory about how my friends don't exactly care for other people. or maybe they just don't care about me. who knows. i'm tired of over thinking things. maybe i'm just being too self centered and should just let it lie.

i don't know why my body is doing this to me (it's that time of the month). last night the pain was so bad that it actually induced a fever. i partially took a shower last night but got so dizzy and nauceous that i went to bed wet and slept for 5 hours. bleh. i still feel feverish.

i talked to nut this morning and he finally did tell me that he got married but he didn't tell me why. i suppose they got married out of love, well, that's what i hope for him at least. it was so good talking to him and i have to admit that i liked him for the longest while. i'm hoping to talk to him later, we haven't spoken in like 2 years. in hindsight, my sophomore year was my best year. i played in orchestra with my closest senior friends, czarina was still here, and i was in the dark about how deceiving everyone can be. i was basically naive and i liked it that way. ignorance is bliss. then my junior year hit me, someone entered my life and i wished they didn't. i'm suprised that i actually survived it without breaking down. at this point, i just want to say "to hell with you all!"

current mood: gloomy
current music: humming of the air con in the bio room

10:29am: meh
i'm feeling so crappy right now, and nobody cares. i'm nauceous to the point where i'm about to start crying. i wish czarina was here. she's the only friend i can count on.

current mood: sick